Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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