Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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