girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
