CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
