I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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