we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
