We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
