She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
