So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
