My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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