everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
