College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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