Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
