Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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