worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
