You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
