Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
