There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
