you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
