We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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