i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
