don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I just put wine in my tea
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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