It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
