please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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