Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
