Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
