its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
