Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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