Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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