dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
