Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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