just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
