Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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