whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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