addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
