is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
