Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
