I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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