I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
