ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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