Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
