I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
