the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
