i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
