his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
