Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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