This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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