can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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