After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
