I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
