im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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