Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
