I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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