How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
